•·. ☆ .·• ★ SKiTTL3SZ DA BROOKLYNiT3 ★ •·. ☆ .·• My Words... My Soul...

I need to fucking vent. But I don't know to whom. I could say I'm fine
but I'm not. I dont usually want to talk. Sometimes I'll just say
that. Sometimes I want to be forced to talk because I usually won't do
it voluntarily. If you know me, you should know talking helps me. But
it's only affective when you care. Care enough to give help and
reassurance. But this week, one of my worst weeks, no one did. I feel
more insecure, sad, mad, depressed and more I can't explain. I don't
know what to do. I can't stop crying. I have a horrible gut feeling
that something happened or will happen. I haven't eaten. I haven't
slept well. I'm losing my mind. All I want is for someone to be here.
Cuz literally I'm lonely. No one here to talk to, or ones that will
care anyway. No one to hang out with to make me feel better. I have
horrible thoughts and dreams and nothing I do is helping. I helped
many people remain happy this week, even while I was at my worst. Why
am I still down here then? Why couldn't anyone really help me in
return? I don't know what to do. I call on God but I don't know if
he's ignoring me or sending me signs I'm totally oblivious to. But the
devil fucked my mind up this week. And this is my result. Realizing I
need therapy and maybe some Prozac. I WANNA BE MAD. AT SOMETHING. AT
SOMEONE. But I'm mad at myself. I guess in some ways I was pretty
pessimistic. And I might be now. But deaths in families, realizing
that the real friends you thought you had weren't real at all, being
18 years old and restricted from everything, having family members not
support you, missing the important days of your loved ones lives, and
etcetera (and I mean etcetera I just don't feel like writing it all)
is pretty much to drop on someone all at once. I diagnose myself with
depression. Because ain't no way in the world crying multiple times a
day and hyperventilating through out is normal. And realizing that the
ONLY one who you thought cared the most had the shortest attention
span while going through this didn't help. Damn I thought that venting
on here would help. But I'm still crying..... I cry out for help
through statuses and who cares other than to be nosy. I'm convinced
that I should stop telling people my problems. 20% don't care and the
other 80% are glad you have them..... *sigh* fuck it. I'm hopeless.
All I ever asked for was hope, reassurance, guidance and care. I'll
never ask for it again.

Sent from my iPod