You know what's fucking wrong?

You know what's wrong? You really wanna know what's fucking wrong?
What's wrong with me is the fucking fact that when I wanna talk, ou
weren't able. NO ONE WAS. And if you were, you were high and drunk.
And which is why I hate talking to you because you have the shortest
fucking attention span. I almost killed myself that night because no
one listened. Now people think I'm crazy. And when I'm mad and
venting, you make me feel crazy. I wouldn't be surprised if you told
your friends and family about my issues. Im sure EVERYONE thinks I
need help. But then I blamed myself because you should have fun and be
happy. I shouldn't drag you down with it problems. I've realized I'm
very bipolar. Very much so. Because I'm here alone and mad and jealous
of everyone who's out having fun because I have no one. But then I
blame myself because I know whatever I am doing, no one deserves. And
it sucks. And when I'm like this, I do dumb shit. I have a strong
feeling something happened or will happen that I'm not aware of. I
have this sick gut feeling. It's driving me more insane then I am.
Here I am venting to this electronic piece of fucking paper and I
realize that it's the only one that let me talk and actually listened,
will never judge and actually understands my pain. I'm furious.
Because more days pass and more I realize that the people I'll be
friends with and trust in the future has become a single number. If
I'm correct, I'd be lucky to have 1. I've realized so many things and
learned so many lessons that it's overwhelming. And I get upset. I'm
thinking that God is punishing me. For what? Idk. Maybe not remaining
who I was or being who I wanted to be, or acted to be. I'm just sick.
I've endured so much in a short period of time it's killing me softly.
I wonder how someone so truthful can talk so much about an individual
and smile in someone face the next. I wonder how someone who says they
will always be there picks the perfect week to not do so. I wonder how
someone can assume so much and lie so much that they believe it. I
wonder so much shit. I'm upset and idk what to do with it. I need help
and I admit it. I need therapy. I'm tired of crying every hour and
crying when I go to sleep. I'm tired of this bad feeling in my
stomach. I'm so tired and I have no one. I'm alone and lonely.
Physically and I realize now, mentally and emotionally. You still
wanna know what's wrong?

Sent from my iPod