Rambling on about nothing looking for understanding in something...Ha.

Rambling on about nothing looking for understanding in something...Ha.

As much as I wanna let it go...I can't. Although I don't want it to
matter...it does. It doesn't matter what I think or feel or say,
because you're gonna think about it anyway. You won't let it go. And
I'll continue to beat myself up worse than you already do. This way
I'll already be used to the pain, should you ever decide to give up or
let go. I wish you knew what I meant. I wish you knew how I felt. I
wish you cared just a little more. So I wouldn't sit here crying at
night in the dark alone wishing things were different...wishing I was
different. I just want to be happy. But most of all, I want you to get
all that you deserve. That doesn't include me. You deserve a perfect
loving relationship that never entitles you to pain and constant
discomfort. Someone who's always there for you as opposed to me...
Maybe I deserve all that's coming to me. So I'll lay here in the dark
drenched in my own tears... Soaking it all up like a sponge.

via iPod touch... XD

Long Story Short

Long Story Short

I see who you really are but I'm the least bit amazed
If this is how you are to every girl, then it's a shame
I don't know how I managed to fall this damn hard
I don't even know why I let this shit get this far
Or get this bad
You were all I ever had
Now I'm alone and you are gone but I'm the least bit sad
I cried in the beginning but then I said fuck that
If this was meant to happen then it would have
I'm not gonna say that it did not hurt
But I brush it off, it could have been a lot worse
I don't know what told me that I was special to you
You made your decisions, what do you got to lose?
For months, I gave you everything I owned
Only you and God knew that I would end up alone
I just know that Karma is one hell of a bitch
Long story short, you fucked with the wrong chick.

via iPod touch... XD

Ask me what's on my mind randomly and I could probably write you a novel.

Ask me what's on my mind randomly and I could probably write you a
novel.

I hate this with a passion. These thoughts, these dreams, the past
experiences are going to be the death of me. Reassurance? Not
applicable. Comfort? Not available. What will it take for me to get
some help? I don't wanna continue to feel like I do, but everytime you
leave, it's always something new. I don't know how to quite feel
inside, but I can't stop the voices in my mind. My head is banging
with sharp thoughts of the future. They are crashing against the walls
of my head like lighting and thunder. I wanna talk to you but when I
want to, I can't get the words out of my mouth or they are either too
inconveinent to release. I want to be a better person for you but the
transition is hard. But I'm afraid if I don't, it will be too late. I
just want release, reassurance and comfort. Maybe even love and care.
But the person I am prevents the acceptance. Letting me know I may
never be whom I want to be. Unfortunately. I'm sorry. In advance. For I am and will be. Hopefully not remain. I wanna change for you. Cuz you need me to. Or I may lose you.

via iPod touch... XD

You know what's fucking wrong?

You know what's wrong? You really wanna know what's fucking wrong?
What's wrong with me is the fucking fact that when I wanna talk, ou
weren't able. NO ONE WAS. And if you were, you were high and drunk.
And which is why I hate talking to you because you have the shortest
fucking attention span. I almost killed myself that night because no
one listened. Now people think I'm crazy. And when I'm mad and
venting, you make me feel crazy. I wouldn't be surprised if you told
your friends and family about my issues. Im sure EVERYONE thinks I
need help. But then I blamed myself because you should have fun and be
happy. I shouldn't drag you down with it problems. I've realized I'm
very bipolar. Very much so. Because I'm here alone and mad and jealous
of everyone who's out having fun because I have no one. But then I
blame myself because I know whatever I am doing, no one deserves. And
it sucks. And when I'm like this, I do dumb shit. I have a strong
feeling something happened or will happen that I'm not aware of. I
have this sick gut feeling. It's driving me more insane then I am.
Here I am venting to this electronic piece of fucking paper and I
realize that it's the only one that let me talk and actually listened,
will never judge and actually understands my pain. I'm furious.
Because more days pass and more I realize that the people I'll be
friends with and trust in the future has become a single number. If
I'm correct, I'd be lucky to have 1. I've realized so many things and
learned so many lessons that it's overwhelming. And I get upset. I'm
thinking that God is punishing me. For what? Idk. Maybe not remaining
who I was or being who I wanted to be, or acted to be. I'm just sick.
I've endured so much in a short period of time it's killing me softly.
I wonder how someone so truthful can talk so much about an individual
and smile in someone face the next. I wonder how someone who says they
will always be there picks the perfect week to not do so. I wonder how
someone can assume so much and lie so much that they believe it. I
wonder so much shit. I'm upset and idk what to do with it. I need help
and I admit it. I need therapy. I'm tired of crying every hour and
crying when I go to sleep. I'm tired of this bad feeling in my
stomach. I'm so tired and I have no one. I'm alone and lonely.
Physically and I realize now, mentally and emotionally. You still
wanna know what's wrong?

Sent from my iPod

I need to fucking vent. But I don't know to whom. I could say I'm fine
but I'm not. I dont usually want to talk. Sometimes I'll just say
that. Sometimes I want to be forced to talk because I usually won't do
it voluntarily. If you know me, you should know talking helps me. But
it's only affective when you care. Care enough to give help and
reassurance. But this week, one of my worst weeks, no one did. I feel
more insecure, sad, mad, depressed and more I can't explain. I don't
know what to do. I can't stop crying. I have a horrible gut feeling
that something happened or will happen. I haven't eaten. I haven't
slept well. I'm losing my mind. All I want is for someone to be here.
Cuz literally I'm lonely. No one here to talk to, or ones that will
care anyway. No one to hang out with to make me feel better. I have
horrible thoughts and dreams and nothing I do is helping. I helped
many people remain happy this week, even while I was at my worst. Why
am I still down here then? Why couldn't anyone really help me in
return? I don't know what to do. I call on God but I don't know if
he's ignoring me or sending me signs I'm totally oblivious to. But the
devil fucked my mind up this week. And this is my result. Realizing I
need therapy and maybe some Prozac. I WANNA BE MAD. AT SOMETHING. AT
SOMEONE. But I'm mad at myself. I guess in some ways I was pretty
pessimistic. And I might be now. But deaths in families, realizing
that the real friends you thought you had weren't real at all, being
18 years old and restricted from everything, having family members not
support you, missing the important days of your loved ones lives, and
etcetera (and I mean etcetera I just don't feel like writing it all)
is pretty much to drop on someone all at once. I diagnose myself with
depression. Because ain't no way in the world crying multiple times a
day and hyperventilating through out is normal. And realizing that the
ONLY one who you thought cared the most had the shortest attention
span while going through this didn't help. Damn I thought that venting
on here would help. But I'm still crying..... I cry out for help
through statuses and who cares other than to be nosy. I'm convinced
that I should stop telling people my problems. 20% don't care and the
other 80% are glad you have them..... *sigh* fuck it. I'm hopeless.
All I ever asked for was hope, reassurance, guidance and care. I'll
never ask for it again.

Sent from my iPod

Idk

I don't even know what to do anymore. As each day passes, I feel more
insecure. I can't seem to kill this voice in my mind, but thats the
only way I could end this strife....any advice?

Sent from my iPod

The Homeless Man

Yea I promised you a poem. But sorry. I never got to it.

But this ain't too happy. Sorry for the disappointment. I'm emo. LMAO.

But it's not about me. It's about someone I saw today. Please care enough to read.


The Homeless Man

When I saw him, I wanted to walk away
with a firm belief that he was a fake
but he sat at the bottom of the staircase
with tears streaming down and his hands on his face.
Little quarters and dimes sat by his side
and the people of 59th didn't swallow their pride
for the homeless man who's there everyday
weeping for food and a place to stay.
I reached in my pocket as I walked down the stairs
and gave him some money to show that I cared.
I walked on and I swiped my metro card
But I looked back and I stared from afar.
I wondered if anyone would be more kind
But more people passed and left him behind.
I walked down the stairs and I boarded the train
thinking if anyone ever cared for his pain.
It wasn't 'til the doors closed and I had sat
that I wished I'd have given him whatever I had.
I know that whatever I had could be replaced
And New York didn't even spare one warm embrace.
To me, it wasn't just him, he represented many
who would stand around and beg for a penny.
I sat and thought and prayed for the man
and the others like him who may need a hand.
I took a deep breath and felt this pain in my heart.
Tears filled my eyes, I felt that I'd break apart.
For the many people who would weep at the bottom of the stairs.
Wanting for someone to come along that cares.

You know I loooooveeee Def Poetry Jam...

The best present you can ever give me...is a full DVD set of Def Poetry Jam. I will love you forever.

I was watching this video.

If you have time...watch these.

1. Mayda Del Valle. I love her. You gotta watch it.



2. Poetri. He is hilarious! But so true! Oh I love these.













3. Lmao!!!! Steve Colman. I wanna eat your pussy. L. M. M. F. A. O.





4. Ishle Yi Park. OOOH Wow.



5. My name is Jimmy Tran. And I have a mediocre penis. LMAO.



6. Consequence. Dat nigga.



7. Oveous Maximus. Salcedo's Breakdown.



8. Sonya Renee. Tag. You're it.

Hey hey hey....

Yup. I'm up again....

But this weekend was "brazy"....lmao.

I saw Madea Goes To Jail on Friday. GR3AT movie. Go Tyler Perry! He's my favorite director. That night my cousin (who I was with) had contractions, so after the movie we went on the train and got off and went straight to the hospital. I got in trouble because I was out past my curfew but idc. I was there. They sent her home because she was only 2 centimeters but we went back in the morning. At 11:32 in the morning, my lil niece (whom I will call her lol) Laila Kareena Ninvalle was born!! Healthy, beautiful 7 pounds and 2 ounces. She is a doll. And my cousin is my hero. She took no medicine...and she took it well. Being there and experiencing Laila's birth was wonderful. I love that baby girl.

I saw my baby that day. I missed him sooo much. I wish I had more time to be with him, but I'm glad I was able to see his face. Today is our first anniversary! I can't wait to see him again. And I can't wait to celebrate many more.

Also today is the day my best friend leaves for boot camp...and idk when I'll see her again.

Well. I'm grounded. But it's not like I'm gonna be doing anything anyway...if it ain't visiting my cousin and the baby and going to school. So oh well...

I'm working on a poem. I'll get back to you on that later on...cuz it's happy. And it's for the one and only in my life... My favorite dream, my oxygen, my partner in crime, my everything.

Hopefully it'll be done...by the time I get out of school. Ugh. 4:50pm.

Nite.

Oooh, I wanna be just like you when I grow up...

LOL. Sike. I'll be bigger and better.

Anyways, had to find myself to laugh today.

And this guy Alphacat...did it.

Yeah it's stupid. But it's funny.

My Favorite Song...

Official video is sexy. This song is all mine. I fell for it when I first heard it...when the album leaked before it was produced.

Umm 2nd Draft?

Umm. It's full. Just not quite sure yet.

Lady walks with steps of soul
With the way she swerves I see her life unfold.
With every leg lifted 'til her feet hits the ground
I can hear her heart make these screaming sounds.
Long brown hair, caramel colored skin
coke bottle curves but her beauty lies within.
Smack in the middle of Times Square
There's something about her that made me stare.
The world is oblivious to how she feels
as she walks past with these red stiletto heels.
Beautiful brown eyes accentuate each long lash
Thick pink lips stop the men in their tracks.
Little do they know how she feels inside
and how she has to deal with it every night.
This beautiful woman feels so ugly inside
And no one even cares what goes on in her mind.
Not one man dares to look in her eyes
to see how slowly her soul dies
She longs for the true love explained on T.V.
But settles for the careless hearts in the city.
She doesn't even know her own worth
Her tender love and care is a gift and a curse.
Beginning to believe there's no such thing as true love
Now thinking of what the rest of life will consist of.
So insecure and vulnerable and hurt by her past
She doesn't know how long she will last.
Just by her walk, I can feel her pain.
With the events in her past, she'll never feel the same.
She's given up hope and stopped believing dreams
To her, life is never what it may seem.
Just by seeing how she walked in that model straight line
I feel how that pain was similar to mine.

Another day....

Hey.

These are one of those days where I don't have so much to say. I don't even feel well physically nor emotionally. But I'll be okay. I just need to learn how to deal.

My cuzo Tiffany's baby shower was yesterday, and I had fun. Tiffany says I was so happy, it was like the happiest day of her life. Lmao. But I was...until I left, and I felt like ugh. Arguing with the people I was with, being sick, and all that jazz. But I'm just happy that my cuzo had a good baby shower even if it was hot, crowded, full of west indian drunk people and it turned into a club later that night. But I had fun.

I've been working on something for a while now, called Lady Steps Of Soul....

Here is an excerpt...


Lady walks with steps of soul
With the way she swerves I see her life unfold.
With every leg lifted 'til her feet hits the ground
I can hear her heart make these screaming sounds.
Long brown hair, caramel colored skin
coke bottle curves but her beauty lies within.
Smack in the middle of Times Square
There's something about her that made me stare.
The world is oblivious to how she feels
as she walks past with these red stiletto heels.
Beautiful brown eyes accentuate each long lash
Thick pink lips stop the men in their tracks.

.................................................

Well, that's actually a draft. I never really finished it lol. I'm still working on it. But be cool...I'll finish. But feel free to let me know if you like it so far.

A bunch of oldies...

Indeed it is 2:37 am. And I'm not sleep. So I thought I'd post this.

If you read all of my poems on here so far...or at least one...please take the poll on the right side of the page...please??

Well....here's some old ones. A couple a lil more happier than others. Since I usually write my best poetry when I'm depressed. LOL. I'll try to write happier. When I get happier. Ya dig?



Although I'm hurting inside, I love you now more than ever
all I ever wanted was for us to stay together
I'm with you in my dreams, but in reality you're with her
Do you have to be in a relationship for a heart break to occur?
I thought I had it made, I thought you gave me you
but in the sudden end, you made me feel like a fool
I didn't know anything of her 'til I saw her in your arms
The place where you always let me feel like I belonged.
Many times I have cried and let the tears burn my face
In my mind I want you gone, but in my heart you won't erase
I'm tired of this pain, it's drilling holes in my chest
I've been hurt before but I guess this one hurt the best.

.........................................................

You know that I love you
and that will not change
Even though I'm far away
My love will stay the same
I'm making a vow today
that I wont break your heart
You're so precious to me
Why would I tear that apart?
I thank God for you, Boo
No one can take your place
I can't be mad at all
once I see the smile on your face
So take these words to heart
maintaining the love is my goal
Because not only are you apart of my heart
You are apart of my soul

................................................

I made you more apart of me than you will ever know
So why do you think it's so hard to let you go?
If I let go now, I let go of my dreams
and the hope of never having to search for another king
Indeed, I said King, because you are royalty
So precious, my Angel, you mean the world to me
So please baby hold me close and don't lose grip
Cuz little did you know, my life depends on it.

Happy Valentine's Day...

Hey Ppls...

Skittlesz Da Brooklynite here.

Just wishing everyone a Happy Valentine's Day...I'm alone on this wonderfully lovey dovey day. My baby's lives in Maryland...and I'm in NY. Long story. Don't judge me. But I'll see him next weekend. I'm happy about that. And on the 23rd of this month, we will be celebrating (again unfortunately alone) our 1 year anniversary. Hey, at least we have phone's and webcams...;-)
....................

I was just thinking about Alicia Keys. I had her book of poetry "Tears for Water", but in 9th grade, I lost it. I'll buy it back, you just watch.

So here's one of her poems. One of my favorites. It's not in favor of Valentine's day. I just love it


Alicia Keys- P.O.W.

I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head
I trap myself further
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid

I am a P.O.W.
Not a prisoner of war
A prisoner of words
Like a soldier
I'm a fighter
Yet only a puppet
Mostly I only say
What you wanna hear
Could you take it if I came clear?
Or would you rather see me
Stoned on a drug of complacency and compromise
M.I.A.
I guess that's what I am
Scraping this cold earth
For a piece of myself
For peace in myself

It'd be easier if you put me in jail
If you locked me away
I'd have someone to blame
But these bars of steel are of my making
They surround my mind
And have me shaking
My hands are cuffed behind my back
I'm a prisoner of the worst kind, in fact
A prisoner of compromise
A prisoner of compassion
A prisoner of kindness
A prisoner of expectation
A prisoner of my youth
Run too fast to be old
I've forgotten what I was told
Ain't I a sight to behold?

A prisoner of age dying to be young
To my head is my hand with a gun
And it's cold and it's hard
Cause there's nowhere to run
When you've caged yourself
By holding your tongue

I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head
It's like solitary confinement
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid

......................

Sounds a little like me. I LOVE this poem.

You think you felt the poem? Feel how she says it...on Def Poetry Jam.




Oh and Mayda Del Valle. She's wonderful! Here's one of her poems that I love...

Mayda Del Valle- To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before
part 1:

we are not your mothers
and are not meant to be
it is not our responsibility to raise you into respectful beings
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us
wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we’ve become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
have become accustomed to waiting for our empty beds
to be weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the scent
and the hands of other women
mornings with swollen puffy eyes are becoming routine
and we simply wanting to be loved
simply wanting to be able to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting to be held and feel safe
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prynn
wear scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses
cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddesses
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls we lose by the minute
fast fading memories of playing hopscotch
and skippin’ rope
we now play freeze tag with each other’s hearts
play hide and seek with our love
if we just don’t breathe maybe we won’t get caught
up in the spider’s web we weave while waiting for what we give away to be returned

part 2:
you said you had a photographic memory
but apparently you forgot that honesty
begins by being real with yourself
and the ones you claim you love
should have never wasted my time
and just acted like the man you claimed and told the world you were
made a production of setting my folks at ease with tales of how you’d do all it ever took to never break my heart
I guess you thought you were talking to a roomful of the deaf and blind
figured they didn’t hear you
coz I never saw it coming
but the truth cannot be hidden
what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love
you shoulda known that
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
so I left
chasing paper trails of promises you’d already set on fire
left with nothing but the ashes of who you’d written that you were
and singed fingers from trying to grasp the impossible

and the only thing I’ve really lost
are lukewarm kisses
that for too long I kept trying to tune the beat of my heart, a few lies, and
stories
about honesty and truth

I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasn’t me

and I guess
it’s so much better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say

but I’m still gonna try to live by it
I’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it

I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining
full of the knowledge I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove the scarlet letter from my chest and hold the hand of the little
girl I used to be
and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
and I will wait
for a man
to come along
that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

©2005 Mayda del Valle


And of course, she will say it on Def Poetry Jam...and also if you thought the poem was deep...listen to her say it.

Memories...don't live like people do.

Me and my bestie Qiiyana.

Yes. We are stupid.



Yes it's upside down. But I didn't think about it until after I did it lol.




We are soooooooo stupid.

Oldie...

Although I'm hurting inside, I love you now more than ever
all I ever wanted was for us to stay together
I'm with you in my dreams, but in reality you're with her
Do you have to be in a relationship for a heart break to occur?
I thought I had it made, I thought you gave me you
but in the sudden end, you made me feel like a fool
I didn't know anything of her 'til I saw her in your arms
The place where you always let me feel like I belonged.
Many times I have cried and let the tears burn my face
In my mind I want you gone, but in my heart you won't erase
I'm tired of this pain, it's drilling holes in my chest
I've been hurt before but I guess this one hurt the best.


Haha.

Listen...

Sit down.
Listen to me.
Listen to the way
I shout and scream.
Take what I say
and let it sink deep.
My words are like bullets
so your heart might bleed.
I need you to feel
for just a lil' while
what for the past few months
kept my smile.
I love you, baby
but I'm in pain.
But I will say this
I'm making a change.
I strongly refuse
to let you take
my pride and dignity.
Fuck that mistake.
You hurt me, sweetie.
Shit, you hurt me bad
I walk around like I'm fine
but my heart is always sad.
The thoughts in my mind
they play back constantly.
Sometimes I don't wanna stay
but I don't wanna leave.
I want us to move on from it
but the past don't want me to.
Every time I think about it
I don't know what to do.
As long as you stay true
leaving is far from my mind.
But you have one last chance
Baby one last time.
One last chance to show me
your love for me is true.
One last chance to love me
like you say you always do.
All that we have planned
for our future can fall.
The marriage, the kids,
the business and all.
I want this to work.
I want you forever.
Will I let this shit continue?
Not at all. Never.
Forgiving is hard
Gaining trust is, too.
It'll take some time
but I need you.
Right now I don't like you
but the love's still here.
I'm not leaving
but don't lose fear.
Maybe fear will
help you stay true.
But stay true
because you want to.
One more chance girl
that's all you got.
You mean something to me
for me to give you this shot.
I want you to prove
that you're love is real...
That my heart wasn't a trophy
for what you can steal.
I love you, girl.
and it blows my mind.
If you love me too,
don't hurt me this time.


Idk if I'm done with this...but I wrote it on a man's perspective. Yea...girl's aren't the only ones in relationships that get hurt. I thought that I'd acknowledge that for a change.

In my thinking mood....

At this point he may hate me deeply
And knowing that, my heart keeps sinking
I truly want to make this better
But I know he doesn't want us to stay together
I know that right now he can't stand me at all
But if he leaves me now, the harder I'll fall
I have no more chances, I understand why not
But little does he know that he's all I got...
.........................................
And as we said goodbye...
I felt the last bit of me die inside
He told me he would always be here for me
But those words wouldn't stay instilled in me
My belief is if he's gone, he's gone forever
All because he wanted me to get it together
He wanted me to be happy but the damage is done
There is no happiness in what I let this become
His absence brings me no type of hope
No smiles nor relief, just more reason to mope
Is this how it feels to lose all that you have?
Every good thing goin' is now a thing of the past
Is this how it'll feel each time I wake up?
New day, no change, my whole life is fucked up
If I could, I'd pick up all the pieces in this life
But I'm missing the only pieces that could end this strife.



I wrote this in November. As I wrote this...I was banging Damage by Chris Brown. So even though he might be facing some OD shit, and he might have fucked up, he was still my inspiration...I still listen to his music. I had it as a ringtone...idk what happened to it.

Damage - Chris Brown

Drake is sooooo cool.

I love music. But I think Drake is the future of Rap. If hip hop's dead, I think he brought it back.

LOL I'm feenin'. I've followed Drake from when he was just Jimmy Brooks on Degrassi: TNG.

But anyways...his mixtape dropped today..."fashionably late" as October's Very Own says...


Well...I'm happy for that. The mixtape is tight. So Far Gone...hard copy comes soon. Idk when. Check http://www.octobersveryown.blogspot.com for that. Or even http://www.allthings-fresh.net. Which ever works for you.





Wanna download?

download here

Another Untitled For Ya...

Already weak and vulnerable
Dare you open the door to more pain in this heartless world of hate and torment
Can't expect too much more than this
The inconvienent truth of the world to late to be saved
Staring dead in your eyes is the man responsible for your brokennesss
And not once does he apologize for the damage he has done
Beginning from when you were young
Too late to turn back and change all actions done in the past
Though you knew it wont last
You chose the dark path to happiness
Now look where you're at
You know it's over now
And you don't know where to go,
don't know who to turn to in this fucked up world you call
your life
Here you are alone
You can't pick up the phone
Who else can you call that hasn't turned their back on you?
Isolating you as if you were wrong
Making you feel like the supect
when in all truth you're the victim
throwing painful words at you
and you let it sink into your system
No one understands your pain
No one knows your story
So dear child, you need not to worry
Turn to whom will never judge,
but will always listen
This pen and paper
It never went missing.
No worries, no pain at all.
Your best friend.
Never went away and should you stray away
This pen and paper is always here when you get back
Not caring of what you gained nor lacked.

Untitled

I cry every night 'cause of the pain I can't take.
I shake uncontrollably 'cause I've lost all my strength.
I walk all curvy 'cause I can't walk straight.
I wanna be happy, but I think it's too late.
I just wanna know, am I too late to be saved?
I've become so weak, I cant hold my own weight.
It's like I'm holding on to something not stable.
I wanna be what you want but I don't know if I'm able.
I look in the mirror and stare at the image
of someone who needs a life but don’t know how she’ll live it.
I take a deep breath and my chest gets tight.
I’m thinking what was I supposed to do with my life.
Every time I move, someone’s filled with disappointment.
There are scars on my heart ‘cause I never used ointment.
I really don’t know what to do this time.
I really feel like I may be losing my mind...

This be me....Skittlesz da Brooklynite....